Yesterday we finally finished shooting "Class Picture"--WOOHOO!! I can't even begin to tell you how much lighter I felt when I came home last night. Even though the work is still not done, at least the burden of dealing with production is over. Yesterday was probably one of the worst days we had on set. We were scheduled to shoot at my apartment and I woke up to discover that there was a short in some of our wires. Khalilah and I were trying to make breakfast before everyone arrived and before we knew it, there were sparks coming from the light switch in the kitchen! We had to postpone the shoot and call mainenance. Once they came and fixed everything we were back on track but that was pretty scary. That incident made us behind schedule and then when we got to our second location we discovered that things were not in the condition that we were promised. It's all good because it all worked out though. Then, one of my actors didn't bother to show up! Fortunately, I had a back up plan to proceed without her--but talk about a stressful day! At any rate, we got it all done.
I must say, the best part about the entire experience was working with the kids. They were the best! This was my first time directing kids in a movie and they were such a joy to work with. As you can see from the picture above we had a lot of fun. So much so that I'm trying to figure out a new story that I can write, just so that I can work with them again. :-) One of the parents said I should consider doing more children's programming, teen PSAs and the like, and you know what? I just might consider that.
Now that shooting is complete, we now begin the equally long process of post-production. I turn the footage over to the editor this week. This should be interesting because this will be my first time having someone else other than myself edit my work. I'm praying that it's a positive experience so that I'm not going "I shoulda just did it myself!" the whole time. Now I can also shift my focus to "Shaking the Ivy," the documentary I'm working on with my friend Loria, and also strategizing for "Something Worth Waiting For."
Stay tuned for more updates on "Class Picture." In the meantime, you can catch a sneak peek of the webpage for the film here. It's still a work in progress, so be sure to keep checking back for updates!
Well, it's been a long week. We shot Class Picture last week and it was fun, it was frustrating, it was exhilarating, it was stressful and aggrevating--all the things that make for a typical film shoot--and I can't wait to do it again. I still haven't gotten a good night's sleep. I'm hoping that I can accomplish that tonight.
As I sit here looking at my footage from this past weekend and typing this blog, I'm feeling some kind of way right now. It's hard being an artist. And I don't know of many artists who don't struggle in some way. We struggle to pay the bills. We struggle to stay true. We struggle to get support. We struggle to get our work seen. I am so thankful that I have a job that's related to my field, but I still find myself struggling sometimes to not just be another worker and to still maintain my art. Sometimes I ask God why does it have to be this hard? Why can't we just readily have money to make films and have distributors ready and willing to promote them? It seems like it's always us artists who are constantly reaching for a dream.
*sigh* But let me stop the pity party. Usually right after I finish a project I find that my melancholy self rears its ugly head in the worst way. Couple this with having to accept the reality that a once-trusted friend and artistic partner has really let me down in the worst way, it's not making for a great night. But in the midst of it all, God is still good. I'll continue to fight, I'll continue to reach for the dream.
I'm just having one of those nights where the only thing I can cling to is hope...and a Savior who loves me no matter what.
Hey what's up Convergence readers! You've heard me talk about it in previous posts but the Something Worth Waiting For website is finally live and kicking! In case you didn't get the memo, Something Worth Waiting For is my latest film that deals with the issues a young television producer faces while trying to maintain her purity in a crazy, modern, hyper-sexed world.
If you are single and you're reading this, please go to the site and take the survey on Singleness and God. We're trying to get feedback for the film and for future blog posts on the website. If you're not single, please still support the film by forwarding it on to people you know, by praying for us and by giving to our cause! We believe this is a movie that everyone will enjoy and we need EVERYONE's help to get this movie made. We need each other!!!
Wow, what a night. Angela and I took in two movies back to back -- Slumdog Millionnaire and Revolutionary Road. Two films I've been wanting to see for awhile, and two films that surprised me quite a bit. Slumdog was surprisingly funny at times (times such as, say, a little boy jumping into a pool of poop), but it also had it's share of sad and heart-stopping moments. It's definitely a must-see, and I think it deserved all the awards it won last night at the Golden Globes.
But the movie that shook me the most was Revolutionary Road. I'm not really sure what I can say about the film that won't give it all away but I will tell you that every scene in the trailer takes place in about the first 10-20 minutes of the film, which was surprising and left me guessing where the film was going to go next.
It was only a matter of time before I realized that Revolutionary Road for me was like a horror film without blood. The film hit on every one of my fears about marriage, about having kids, and about life in general. It made me sad and it made me scared to death. There were parts of the film where I literally could not catch my breath and my stomach started to churn. So many times it felt like I could be April Wheeler either now or in the future, and that was scary. It didn't help that her name was so close to mine. It's like everytime someone in the film called her name, it's like they were talking to me...calling my name out...
This whole idea of the "American dream" scares me. Where did it come from? We've all bought into it in some way, shape or form. But what really bites is that anytime someone dreams about something other than the wife/husband, kids, house, car, and corporate job, then that person is considered crazy or abnormal or immature.
Deep down inside the idea of marriage still scares me. Well, I take that back. It's more the idea of being in an unhappy marriage is what scares me. Or worse yet, being in a marriage where I cannot connect with my mate or where we don't share the same goals. I guess that's why it's sooooo important to look for partnership, companionship and friendship in a mate. Not just a pretty face so you can check off marriage on your list of must-haves for life.
I don't really dream all that often about having kids, although from time to time I do dream about adopting some. I don't dream of living in a big house in the suburbs. I'm happy with my apartment in the city, and my ultimate dream would be to have a big loft overlooking a bustling city. I hate corporate America, I hate working 9-5 which is why I am thankful for the job that I have.
For people that do have those dreams and are genuinely happy doing those things, I think it's great. But what about those of us who dream about something else? There are some of us who want to live a different kind of life. I don't know...Have you ever had a dream that you wanted so bad that you were willing to die for it? I don't even know if I have that kind of passion for a dream...but I do know that I don't want to live an ordinary life. I want to be free to do the things that make me happy. I want to be free to be the person God made me to be.
Go see Revolutionary Road. But I'm warning you. It will wreck you in some kind of way.
As an artist, I'm always looking for things to inspire me so that I can create or just so that I can allow my imagination to soar. So what inspires me? Weird, off-the-beaten path movies about some kind of dysfunction. I know, it's weird but there's nothing like watching a sad or quirky character drama about familial dysfunction or someone dealing with substance abuse (Half Nelson, Requieum for a Dream, Wristcutters, come to mind). Movies that nobody's ever heard of that make me think. Know what else inspires me? Music videos. Weird, music videos that are outside the box and sometimes make no common sense. Here are some examples of some of my favorites:
Gotta love Gnarls for keepin' it real. Here's another one:
You can always count on Bjork to make a crazy music video that doesn't really make sense but is SO COOL. How about my girl Santogold?? If you've never heard of her, you need to look her up. Her album is WONDERFUL. It's a fusion of musical styles that I don't hear a lot these days.
And while we're on Santogold, I LOVE this song from the Converse commercial...
And then lastly, there's Kanye. A lot of people are hatin' on this song but I think it's kinda catchy. I liked it from the time I first saw him perform it on the MTV Awards.
Ok, so here's a little sidebar, but am I really that slow or has anybody heard of Jazmine Sullivan? I just heard of her for the first time last Friday on the Steve Harvey Morning Show. This girl has an AMAZING voice. Very reminicent of Lauryn Hill. She sang live on the radio and I really thought it was the record until I heard Steve and Nephew Tommy making comments in the background. I wanted to put her video here on the site but YouTube (or probably the record company) wouldn't let me embed the video. It's not weird or anything but I do like it. Especially the parts where she's inside the spinning record. If you want to see it, you'll have to click here.
So those are just some of my favorite music videos that fuel my artistic fire. What about you? What movies or videos bring out the inner artist in you?
Khalilah and I just came back from seeing the Bill Mahrer movie Religulous. I must admit, it wasn't until the opening credits started to roll that I thought to myself "What am I doing here? What am I getting myself into??" I went into this movie knowing Bill Mahrer's stance on religion, yet I was curious to see what this movie was all about.
I wasn't disappointed.
It turned out to be a great movie. I was less offended about the digs toward Christianity than I was about all the interviews with Muslims linking them to terrorism. Not all people who practice Islam are terrorists. And production-wise, the movie was a little too long. It should have ended about 30 minutes earlier than it did. But other than that, I thought the film was great. As cynical and irreverant as Mahrer is, I think he was right in many cases. The truth of the matter is that any of us DON'T KNOW for sure what happened back in the day or what will happen when we die. I think the sooner Christians admit this the sooner people will listen to us. I think that Mahrer was really looking for some answers as to why people believe this stuff. Some of the stuff in the Bible is pretty weird, and we do look a little weird for believing it. But hey, that's what faith is. And it's a shame that we as Christians keep creating such a bad picture. In that regard the movie made me sad. Sad that non-believers know the Bible better than we do. Sad that we're ignorant of history and of world events because all we know how to talk about is church. Sad that we've corrupted the Bible and manipulated people in the name of God. Sad that we've made the Bible say things that it really doesn't say. Sad that we believe in things and rituals that aren't really true. Sad that we elect politicians based on their "faith" without challenging them on the integrity of their walk. Sad that we let one political party pimp our votes. Sad that sometimes we get so arrogant in our beliefs that we end up turning people even further away from God.
I wish I could meet Bill Mahrer one day and we could kick it. I just want to let him know that I am one of those people that believes. Because the truth of the matter is we live in a screwed up world. I mean, really. And if believing in these stories helps me get through each day, then just call me Wacko. No, I don't know all the answers. Yes, I have plenty of doubts. One thing he said at the end of the movie is that doubt is the basis of humility. I think that is true. The fact that I have questions and doubts about God and the Bible keep me humble and keep me seeking. I think anyone who thinks they have all the answers is lying.
Well, that's all I have to say for now. Go see this movie only if you think your faith can handle it, after all, it is Bill Mahrer and it is very irreverant but it is raw. It was also interesting to see that so many people came out to see the film even though the average person has never even heard of it. The room was almost packed. And at the end of the audience, a few people CHEERED. Bill Mahrer's message resonates with a lot of people that just don't GET the whole God thing. As for me, in a weird way this movie strengthened and renewed my faith. And encouraged me to continue to "study to show myself approved..."
Ok, so maybe I was being a little too hard on myself in yesterday's post. My friend Angela's comment on that post actually helped me to remember that all of us are wired differently and that doesn't make one more valid or better than the other. I believe that I am more of a visionary, although I can be a fascilitator when I need to be. I usually see the big picture but I fall short on the details...I found a couple of things online this morning that kinda drove this point home:
This book called When God Builds a Church talks about the difference between visionaries and administrators and why they're both necessary in the context of the church, but it think it applies to life as well.
And then I took this quiz about leadership styles and realized that I have a Participative Leadership style. I'm not one to go around barking orders at people. I like for everyone in the group to take part in making decisions. This is what the website says about Participative Leadership:
Participative Leadership
Participative
leaders accept input from one or more group members when making
decisions and solving problems, but the leader retains the final say
when choices are made. Group members tend to be encouraged and
motivated by this style of leadership. This style of leadership often
leads to more effective and accurate decisions, since no leader can be
an expert in all areas. Input from group members with specialized
knowledge and expertise creates a more complete basis for
decision-making.
It's weird because when it comes to being an AD, practically every film I've ever AD'ed we've always made our day and always gotten the footage we needed. However, my leadership style is very different than most ADs. I think most ADs are known for their Authoritative leadership styles and that's usually thought to be more effective. But I guess it is possible to be just as effective with a different leadership style.
I can see my leadership style in everything I do--in how I lead my small group and even how I teach my classes. Often I see myself trying to conform to other styles or other people's ways of doing things, and it just never works out. I still need to work on accepting myself for who God made ME to be as a leader...
Well, I made it through this weekend's shoot. But just barely. I re-learned a very important lesson this weekend that I really do have my own style of filmmaking and that that doesn't always gel with everyone. Shandra was great to work with and she got some really great shots. But outside of working with her, that was a very difficult 14 hours for me because I don't feel like I did a very good job as AD (Assistant Director). Days like that make you feel like you're a freakin' moron and like you're the scum of the earth. I guess I just like for things to be productive but still laid back. And my style as an artist? Guerrilla. I'm a Renegade. I like to go against the grain and do my own thing. Too many people in this industry take themselves too seriously and then filmmaking becomes a chore rather than fun. Overall I feel I did ok on the shoot but there were several areas where I feel like I dropped the ball and I could have
done better, and at the end of the day I think I really pissed some
people off. Today I had to keep reminding myself that I've made two feature films one of which has won a couple of awards. I'm a great director, a great writer, and a great editor. But AD'ing is not really my thing...especially on shoots where I just don't feel good vibrations...I think it's hard for creative people to be ADs. I guess that's why they say that ADs usually move into being producers, not directors. And Lord knows I hate producing...
Thank God I did production at church today. That helped re-boost my confidence level a lot. It's good to go somewhere where you feel appreciated and valued as an artist and a human being.
I am super duper excited right now. I am in the process of editing this documentary on racial segregation within the church. It's very fascinating because it's talking about how even now, in 2008, 11 AM is still the most segregated hour in America--blacks usually worship with other blacks, whites usually worship with other whites, etc. Very little do you see truly diversified churches. I'm excited about this doc because this has been an issue that has plagued my mind quite often, especially after having gone to a black church all my life and now going to a predominantly white church. So this documentary is sort of posing the question of why can't we worship together? As one of the interviewees said, it really should be a sin issue, not a skin issue. Yet, we still let our differences divide us.
It's taken me awhile to get into this doc, not because of the subject matter but because the worst part of editing for me is logging and capturing. That is the bain of my existence. It's just so long and tedious. But once I get past that, it's on and poppin'. That's when I get into my zone and I literally can stay awake for hours on end just lost in editing. And that's where I am right now. Suddenly I have so much energy even though it's midnight. Suddenly I don't want to watch TV anymore--not even America's Next Top Model. I really don't want to be blogging right now. But I needed a quick break. All I want to do is edit. It's moments like these that make me LOVE being a filmmaker. I love that I am a filmmaker by trade and that my day job helps me to improve because not only do I get to teach other young filmmakers about the craft but that helps me build my craft as well. I'm so thankful to God that I found my passion in life.
Last night I was watching the San Diego auditions of American Idol, and I could feel my eyes well up with tears when the last contestant of the night made it to Hollywood. She had auditioned for the show 2 years ago and then got disqualified because her visa didn't come through (she's from England). So here she was, trying again to achieve her dream. After Simon, Paula and Randy told her she made it, she came outside and just cried in the arms of her boyfriend. I could feel my eyes well up too because it really is a wonderful thing when dreams come true. When you've been waiting for something for so long and then it's ripped from your grasp. And then you get another shot. It almost feels too good to be true...
I just found out on Friday that I am a finalist for the Art Within Writing Lab fellowship. That's pretty exciting for me, mostly because I've had such a hard time finding a place where my voice as an artist could not only be appreciated but also honed and improved. The idea of getting into this program I think would be a good deal for me. It would be a shot at getting one step closer to developing a story that will relate to all people. The winners will be announced in a couple of weeks. We'll see what happens, and we'll see what dreams may come...
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