Convergence

The View From the Beach - Day 3

Yesterday’s lab was pretty amazing. We started out by listing our character traits and then listing which one of our character traits are in tension with one another. For example, I am a dreamer and I’m hopeful, but I’m also fearful and doubtful. I’m very goal-oriented but I’m also a procrastinator. Last night our assignment was to write down our top 10 desires. I didn’t expect that exercise to be that difficult or that painful for me but it was. It was painful because I realized that I have some desires that I may have given up hope for. Some desires I expected God to have met by now, and quite frankly the fact that he hasn’t leaves me to wonder if they’ll ever be met. Wondering if maybe I’ve done something to prevent them from being met. In the event of full disclosure, I’ll go ahead and share my desires with you all:

• • I want to get through this assignment without crying.
• • I want to be held.
• • I want to forget what’s it like to be held.
• • I want my relationship with God to be like it used to be.
• • I want to be a full-time filmmaker and a part-time teacher, instead of the other way around.
• • I want $1 million to make my film Something Worth Waiting For.
• • I want to travel around with my film SWWF and talk REAL TALK with women about the joys and pains of singleness
• • I want to bring my students with me on a shoot.
• • I want be a better aunt.
• • I want to stop teaching COM 1109.

From there, we took our character traits and then took our top 5 desires and created a story idea based around our character tensions and our desires. It was a really cool exercise because on a practical level, I came away with 5 new script ideas which were kinda cool and had some pretty good character dimension. But what the exercise also helped me do was to just take a look at my innermost yearnings and deal with those. I think deep down inside I often doubt this whole filmmaking thing. Like I doubt that I have what it takes, I doubt that God’ll really do it...

But this exercise helped me to see that this filmmaking thing is something that is burned inside of me. It’s something bigger than me. While we were waiting for one of the sessions to start, this lady turned to me and said that she feels like there is this power, this fighter inside of me that needs to get out. She kept saying that people need what I have…and she’s not the first person to tell me those SAME EXACT WORDS…I do believe that I have a voice. And I believe that it’s nothing but the enemy trying to suppress that and make me doubt…

Lord, re-ignite that fire within me to create, to fight, to dream again…

The View From the Beach - Day 2

Well, yesterday was my first day at the Art Within Lab and I must say my world is being wrecked already. As a matter of fact, the wreckage already began on my way down here in the car. I'm already being challenged to rethink things pertaining to my writing and even pertaining to my career...

I'm telling you, this lab is pretty intense...in the sense that we're pretty much going all day long. But the time goes by so fast! Needless to say, so far I'm getting some interesting insight about my writing and even about my career path in general. Last night we did an exercise where we had to share clips from films that moved us to action, moved us to anger, and moved us to say "amen". My three movies (in order) were Do the Right Thing, Revolutionary Road, and Pursuit of Happyness. Then we had to look at each other's films and find the common threads. Here were some of my threads...

• All of the movies I chose were character-driven
• There was an urgency hope in all of the movies I chose -- in some an expected hope that was deferred, in others a hope achieved
• In each film I chose there was some form of societal pressure that was preventing the characters from having freedom.
• There was a constant theme of family.
• There were constant themes of freedom vs. trapped and honesty vs. idealism
• The scenes I chose were very complicated; they were difficult subjects to talk about
• there was a lot of passion in the films and in the issues they dealt with

Im not sure if you've seen the movies I referenced above but these threads that my peers pointed out really meant a lot of me in terms of trying to understand my voice as a filmmaker. I think a lot of what they said was on target, and I'm trying to process what that means and what that looks like for my art.

I'm really looking forward to the rest of these 2 weeks to try and flesh that out. I will keep you posted...

In the meantime, we are in the midst of a hurricane warning here. Yes, Hurricane Ida is scheduled to strike mid-afternoon. So far right now we're getting a lot of wind and that's about it. The waves don't look too high. We haven't talked about leaving yet, the news said it should be a Category 1 storm by the time it hits here so we'll see what happens. It's just now starting to rain now as I type this...Going to get breakfast now, I'll keep you all posted on what happens!

All Up In My Stuff

Do you have people in your life who don't have a problem getting all up in your stuff? I'm not talking about nosey people. I'm talking about people who know your business and don't have a problem telling you when you're off track.

A few weeks ago I met with Paula (mentor, Producer of Faithfully Divided). It started out as an editor's meeting for her to let me know what changes she wanted me to make to her documentary. But it ended up with her basically "reading" me and reminding me of who I am. She reminded me that I am not mediocre and that I still have stories inside of me to tell. "What's your A story and what's your B story," she asked, making reference to the rules of screenwriting but applying it to my life. "For some reason you've gotten comfortable and you've settled for less than your A story." It was a powerful talking to that I really needed.

There's so much going on in my life right now, which is why I haven't had the time to blog lately. I'm teaching full-time at AIU, part-time at Kennesaw State, I'm in the process of getting ready to make a trailer for my film, Something Worth Waiting For, in about 2 weeks, I'm doing more edits on Faithfully Divided and I'm serving and helping out with a new church plant, Blueprint Church, in downtown Atlanta. I'm really excited about all of these things except one...

This past Tuesday my friend Donna, who used to be in my small group and now lives in North Carolina came down for a visit and we decided to grab breakfast. Donna is one of 9 women who constantly heard me lift up so many prayer requests to change jobs, that I started to sound like the boy who cried wolf. But this time as I told her about all the things that are going on in my life right now she said to me, "Everything sounds so great and exciting except that one fly in the ointment...."

I know what the fly in the ointment is. I think both of these wise women are confirming in so many words that the winds of change are blowing in my life. I've got to figure out how to bring the "A" story of my life, which is filmmaking, back to the forefront. And in order to do that I think I'm going to have to let that one fly go...one way or another...

Online Dating Advice For the Brethren

Clarissa Rodney, the lead character in my upcoming film "Something Worth Waiting For" just posted some fun tips for online dating for those brothers in Christ who might be trying to find that special someone in cyberspace. See what she has to say here.

Also, don't forget we're still looking for your help with the making of the trailer for the movie. Whatever you can give would be greatly appreciated--whether its $10, $25, $50 or $100! Consider making a donation today by clicking here. Thank you for your support!

Need Your Help!

Hey what's up Convergence readers! You've heard me talk about it in previous posts but the Something Worth Waiting For website is finally live and kicking! In case you didn't get the memo, Something Worth Waiting For is my latest film that deals with the issues a young television producer faces while trying to maintain her purity in a crazy, modern, hyper-sexed world.

If you are single and you're reading this, please go to the site and take the survey on Singleness and God. We're trying to get feedback for the film and for future blog posts on the website. If you're not single, please still support the film by forwarding it on to people you know, by praying for us and by giving to our cause! We believe this is a movie that everyone will enjoy and we need EVERYONE's help to get this movie made.  We need each other!!!

Here's the link again... www.somethingworthwaitingfor.com.

Here's Lookin' At You, 2009

So yesterday was Father's Day. It was also the first day of summer, which also means that we are halfway through the year 2009. This reminded me of this post that I wrote at the beginning of '09, and I figured now would be a good of a time as any to evaluate how this year is going so far.

On the surface, I would say that 2009 is not going so well so far. I just broke up with Jon for the second time. We broke up once in February. He broke up with me that time. Said we should take 2 months off and see where we go from there. We reconnected after 2 months and tried to be just friends. It's very difficult to be strictly friends with someone that you've been with for a year and a half. Needless to say, I didn't feel like it was working so I broke it off last week. I feel HORRIBLE about it mainly because it really didn't go down the way I planned. He was really hurt and I don't like hurting people. I also feel bad because I feel like once again my point was a little misunderstood. I really wish we could have remained friends and talked it through but I think I may have completely alienated him and made him never want to speak to me ever again. How do these things happen? It's like you have in your mind how the whole thing should happen and then one text, one phone call just makes things take a turn for the worst...

Work is stressing me out. There's lots of turmoil, unrest and confusion going on. We were told back in late March/ early April that some of us would be laid off but as of today, June 22, we still don't know who. So all of us at work have been living in this state of uncertainty for the past 3 months and it's causing all of us a lot of anxiety and stress.

And well, I told you about my problems with church.

So all of these issues have been stressing me out so much that I haven't really had a chance to enjoy 2009 yet. I'm really hoping that the 2nd half of 2009 gets much better...

On the same token, as I look at my post from January, I do see that a few of my goals that I set out with have indeed actually been met. I've been doing a little better at posting pictures on my Facebook. I've kinda gotten back into the filmmaker scene. As a matter of fact, my film "Defining Moments" is screening at the Black Women's Film Festival tonight at the Woodruff Arts Center at 7 pm so that's exciting. They had a whole weekend of panels and events that I went to which was also cool.

 I also finished writing my screenplay "Something Worth Waiting For." Not only did I finish writing it but I found a producer for it and we are actually moving toward making the film in summer 2010. This is probably the biggest highlight of my year so far. We just launched the website for the film - www.somethingworthwaitingfor.com. We've also started a Facebook page for the movie and we've already gotten a ton of fans! We'll be shooting a trailer for the film in September and will soon launch our fundraising campaign to help with production costs. So check out the website, become a fan! Just as much as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a village to make a movie too!

So as far as 2009 goals, I still have some other areas I need to work on--like working out...Ay-yi-yi...I've got a long way to go in that area...

Finally!

Yippee!! Today I finally finished redesigning my website and I'm really excited. I haven't officially launched it yet, so you Convergence readers will be the first ones to see it (aside from my roommate). I tried to keep it simple and I even added a store! In the coming weeks you'll be hearing a lot more from me concerning my upcoming film project, "Something Worth Waiting For." But until then, check out www.azuspeak.com and let me know what you think...

A Moment to Catch My Breath

This has been a whirlwind of a week! I've hardly had a chance to keep up! But I figured I'd take a few moments to just get you all up to speed on what's been going on in my life.

I had a great time at my parent's house last weekend. I went home on Sunday so that I could do production at church in the PM. I actually got a chance to direct for the first time! I only did rehearsal but I was still just as nervous. People don't understand that even though film production and live production have some similarities, they are two totally different animals! In film production, I have the ability to call "Cut" whenever something is not going right. I have the ability to get multiple takes of a single moment. I get to rehearse with actors and crew WELL in advance of the actual production. It's not like that with live production. Plus, in film production I basically sit in a chair and tell people what to do. With live production there's so many buttons and so much to remember. And you're looking at 6 cameras at one time trying to figure out which one is the best to use in this milisecond. At any rate, I got through it. And it was actually fun. It still freaked me out though, but fun.

So remember in my last post I told you that I ended up on the computer for 2 hours looking up editing jobs? Well, one of the companies I found was a place called Film Finish. They actually sponsored the Woman's Angle screenings this year. I found out that they teach a class called Film Editing for the Assistant Editor. The class is supposed to teach you how to be an assistant editor and eventually editor for major feature films.

Well, I sent them an email that night inquiring about the class and guess what? They called me back on Monday. I talked with the instructor, Joe Binford, and he told me about the class and about the cost, which was a bit pricey. He said that a class had already started and that he could get me into Thursday's class if I was interested. How was I going to get that much money in such a short period of time? I prayed about it and wondered if I had any faculty development that I could use. I figured any little bit helped. I lifted up the prayer request on Tuesday morning as to whether or not I should take the class and about getting the money.

Well, by the time I got to work, they had let me know that my job would pay for half the class! And one of my small group members asked me to shoot a promotional video for her school so the money from that will pretty much cover the entire cost of the class. Talk about divine intervention! And all this in in a matter of like 24 hours! I was shocked. Well, I called Joe and told him I could take the class and he immediately tried to get me up to speed on everything. He came to my house on Tuesday night to give me the textbook. He then set up a schedule to meet with me one on one on Wednesday and Thursday to get me caught up with the rest of the class.

So I've been doing a lot of reading all week to try and catch up! I had my first class on Thursday and it was fantastic! I'm already starting to see how I can put a lot of this stuff into practice--both in my classroom and in my own professional growth. I'm excited to see where all this will lead!!!

So there's a lot going on right now between the class, doing the promotional video, finishing writing Something Worth Waiting For, and I'm also helping my friend Leslie do a documentary on youth. The down side of all this is that I think I'm going to have to drop my Bible Old Testament class. I really don't want to but it's just getting to be too much. I've been behind in the readings ever since day 1 and now I'm even more behind. I missed class this past Friday because the battery light came on in my car and I didn't want to drive all the way to Alpharetta with that. That was the 4th class that I missed this semester. So I think it's a done deal.

It's been raining all day today. I slept in late but I got up to fix some cranberry-almond muffins. Just as I was getting ready to put them in the oven we lost our power. It came on about 45 minutes later but today's just been one of those days where I've just hung around the house. It hasn't been a total wash, though. I spent a good amount of time doing rewrites on SWWF. I'm liking the changes, I just hope it all comes together in the end. Well, I just realized that between all the baking and the writing, it is now 5:50 pm and I still haven't even showered yet. :-/ Khalilah and I are supposed to be going to the movies tonight so I better get a move on.

Chow for now!

Day 2 in NYC - Things I Learned Today

Boy am I one tired soul. I forgot that NYC requires so much walking! The good thing, though, is that I've gotten plenty of exercise and it's actually helped my back. It doesn't hurt as much as it has been.

Today I woke up and went for brunch at a place called Sarabeth's. I had a salmon scramble and it was good but it was no Flying Biscuit. After my brunch was when I realized that I was so exhausted from yesterday that I had to go back to my hotel room and take a nap. After resting up a bit I set out to go to the Met.

Since it was such a nice day out and my hotel is so close to Central Park, I got the bright idea to walk through the park to the east side. Huge mistake  -- well kind of. It took a really long time and I got really tired halfway through but once you get that far, there's no turning back. I started to get a little frustrated because I was losing time to spend at the Met. But then I decided to really take in the scenery surrounding me and the day suddenly got a whole lot better. I slowed down my walk, took a seat on a bench, and learned a lot of things during my time in Central Park:

• It's perfectly possible for me to entertain myself. Here I am in NYC with no set agenda and I am having a great time. How's that for an independent woman?
• NY is a place where you have to take risks. Even just getting around on a daily basis requires risk. Hanging out with my friend Rich last night and Priscilla today, I had no idea where I was going. But I had to just take the risk and get on the train and figure it out as I went along. Reading the signs. Such is life. Sometimes we gotta be willing to take risks and figure it out as we go.
• Living in the moment means focusing on and enjoying what's in front of you now instead of always waiting for the destination. For example, taking the time to enjoy Central Park rather than getting frustrated about getting to the Met. I was missing out on the beauty right in front of my face. Also, I'll admit that being here in NY has made me want to move back here. But then I realized that I've got great things going on in Atlanta that I still have yet to take advantage of. The grass always looks greener on the other side. Sometimes it's worth it to sow the seeds in your own yard first.
• The whole time I was here in NY I missed out on a lot. For one thing, I rarely ever went to the east side of town. So today's journey was quite an adventure in and of itself. It's different over there in those parts. For some reason it seems a little cleaner over there. I don't know. Maybe it's just me. 
• Throughout all these years, God has never let go of me. I've had ups and downs before and He's gotten me through. Why should I believe He'd stop now?
• I have to get back to TRUSTING God, not just believing in Him.
• I think me and Jon could have a great friendship if we both tried a teeny bit harder, and if we actually took the time to be friends (whether as boyfriend and girlfriend or not). I'm willing to try.
• Love means reaching out. I was watching this couple in Central Park and watchiing how they interacted with each other. She would put her head on his shoulder. They would read a book together. She would read his text messages on his phone. They would flirt with each other. All from this position. It was very sweet. 

So yeah, I did eventually make it to the Met but they were about to close so I just sat on the steps for a few minutes after trudging all that way through the park. I continued on my journey and went to Starbucks on Lexington & 78th. Then I went to Brooklyn to hang out with my friend Priscilla and her beautiful daughter Sophia. She made dinner and I had such a great time! It took me a long time to get home because I unknowingly got on an express train that skipped my stop. But after a lot of back and forth I finally made it back to my hotel.

Another great day in NY. I know I said it before but I am exhausted!! And, I am ready to go back home to the ATL. I think I got what I came here for. A renewed sense of purpose and drive. As I sat in Central Park, one of my favorite songs came on my iPod and I had to repeat it several times because it gave me great peace. The song is "You Never Let Go" by Matt Redman. I'll leave you with the lyrics as a reminder that no matter where you are in life, God's always got your back and He always has something to say to you.

You Never Let Go

by Matt Redman

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Day 1 in NYC - DO YOU!!

So today is my first day in NYC and so far I'm having a blast!

As soon as I stepped foot off the plane I felt the charge....ok, well maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. But getting on the NE Corridor to Penn Station just brought back all kinds of memories and took me back to a time in my life where I did my thang...

Which is why I wanted to come to NY this week. I'm starting to feel like I'm losing my mojo...like I'm getting to comfortable with things the way they are. I'm comfortable with getting in my car and driving around time. Not having to think, not having to figure things out. Not having to hustle. I just wanted to go someplace where I had to think on my toes again.

When I got to NY I could feel the energy. Everything felt the same as if I had never left it. All of Penn Station was in the same place, it smelled the same, it looked the same. My first stop in NY was my Ben's Pizza on Spring & Thompson. They have the best pizza around imo. They hadn't changed a bit either. Although they do lose one cool point because they no longer having fountain drinks (grape drink and coupon). That place used to be my hangout spot for lunch when I used to work at AIVF on Houston, so it felt good to be back there. For all you NJ/NY'ers who are longing for that REAL NY pizza, here's a picture:

There it is...

And there it went....

I tried to get a picture of the slice before I started eating it but I couldn't help myself. I just had to dig in. The white stuff on the plate is the powdered sugar from my two zeppoles, which were also always part of my routine. :-)

After my lunch, I went ahead and checked in my hotel. Boy is it TINY! Here are some pictures but I don't think the pictures even do justice of showing just how small this room is...

I wish I could've taken a pic of the shower but the bathroom is so small I can't get a good shot of the shower withiut stepping into the toilet. But aw well, I'm not complaining too much. It's a place to lay my head. And it's just for me so it works.

So after resting for a little while, I caught up with a friend of mine named Rich Chew. Rich was an actor in one of my first short films, Soul Connection. He invited me to come with him to a bible study for models. It was really good. I'm glad I went. Maybe I'll have to share more insight on it later because I'm getting increaingly sleepy.

All in all, I'm having  a good time. And what I love most about this trip is that I have wing me to do no agenda. I go wherever the wind takes me and in the meantime it's allowing me to DO ME! I get to set my own pace and chart my own life--not my schedule. Tomorrow I'm supposed to be having dinner with my friend Priscilla. I also make walk through Central Park, pay a visit to the MET  and take in the day.

I"ll keep you posted. Bur right now I'm pooped! I'll give you another recap tomorrow. Peace and G'night!