Convergence

The Black Church Is Not Making Me Single!!!!!

Ahhhh!!!! Just when I thought the madness of this article had died down...here I was about to shut my computer down for the night when I saw this come across my Twitter feed:

"More black women single, church possibly to blame - Victoria Advocate http://ow.ly/1bKNUR"

Yes, yes, author Deborah Cooper wrote a blog post last year called "The Black Church: How Black Churches Keep African-American Women Single and Lonely," where she suggested that black Christian women should date non-Christians if we expect to beat the statistics that say black men are less likely to claim a religious affiliation than women. A couple months ago, I, along with several other panelists, was on a talk radio show with Cooper discussing her article. While I respect the woman and even many of the points made in her article, I had to keep in mind that Cooper is not a Christian and in no way, shape or form wants to be, and therefore does not understand the importance of being "yoked up" with someone of a similar faith.

But that's beside the point. And that's not what's making me angry here at 3:45 am.

What ticks me off about this is 1) that we're still talking about this article and 2) that people (not just Deborah Cooper) feel a need to place blame anywhere for singleness as if it's some of kind of wretched disease!! While I know that her blog post was only written as a response to Christian women who wrote to her complaining about not having a man, I don't blame the Black church or the White church or any other church for that matter for my singleness (I've got plenty of other issues to do that job :-). If I'm going to point a finger at anyone, I point a finger at society!! I blame society for making women believe that marriage is the end all and be all of life. I'm sure marriage is a great thing, it's a gift from God. BUT SO IS SINGLENESS!!! For once can somebody just affirm that those of us who are single are normal human beings some of which -- wait a minute, here's a news flash...brace yourself -- ARE HAPPY AND CONTENT! Uggg!!

Believe me, I know it's hard out here and the dating pool is not very promising these days. I'm just sick of women putting our lives on hold while we wait for men to "complete" us, and I'm sick of society being the first one to start digging our marriage grave once we hit a certain age. Oh yes, I've heard it all before "What?? You're in your 30s and you're STILL not married? What's wong with you?" "Oh, you poor thing. Don't you worry. It'll happen for one day for you too...Just keep hope alive."

Yes, I'm in my 30's--as a matter of fact I've got a birthday coming up which'll officially put me into my late 30's--and I settled a long time ago that whether I ever get married or not, MY LIFE WILL GO ON...In the words of Jill Scott "I'm living my life like it's golden...," and I think all too often singles idolize marriage, which can be dangerous. Marriage does not solve every problem, and it doesn't necessarily make one less lonely. I know of several married people who've told me that as much as they love their spouse, they still feel alone at times and only God can fulfill that.

Furthermore, I feel like if you're having troubles meeting saved black men at your church the first answer shouldn't be to go find an unsaved black man. Why not open up your options and date outside your race? We all God's children anyway...I've made that mistake before of overlooking a good, Christian man because of the color of his skin and trust me, I won't do it again! If having a man is that serious, open yourself up to the possibility...

For real, ladies, let's begin to embrace and affirm our worth, our value even now without the ring on our finger.  One day I'll post my thoughts about some of the other points made in Cooper's article, but I just had to get that off my chest...

...end rant...

Some of the Coolest People I Know I Met Online

I got mad love for social media. After all, I've met some really cool people behind the walls of a computer screen. For example, there's @visualcadence, who I met through Craigslist in Atlanta. She's the one who's responsible for shooting all my headshots, including the one that used to be at the top of this blog. I put an ad on craigslist one day that I needed a photographer and she responded. We met at a local Borders, discovered we were both believers and a beautiful friendship developed. Through her I also met her husband, @andrewtuce, who's an awesome videographer and filmmaker. I've had the privilege of working on a few projects with the Tucciarones and they are all around great people. I love their creative energy and their warm spirits. 

Recently I met @keilabee1, a fellow ATLien who's a transplant to DC like me--another cool peep. Then there's @thehairmystro--Just met her when I was trying to find a hair stylist for my Class Picture shoot. The first day she showed up on set we hugged like we had known each other for years. Very cool peeps. Today I met @ChristinaFaith for the first time in person. She's a fellow female filmmaker of faith who hails from Philly and who's doing big things for the kingdom. It was such a pleasure meeting her, and we had an AWESOME convo about what it means for artists to redeem the media. I just love having conversations that challenge me intellectually and spiritually! But each of these people I met through Twitter. And that's not to mention the many other people I tweet with on the regular but just haven't had the privilege to meet in person yet.

I found an awesome parking lot to shoot Class Picture online, and through that I met Brooke Kidd, the awesome Executive Director of Joe's Movement Emporium, a fantastic dance studio in Mt. Rainier, MD. She's a great person, very giving and accomodating for us. I look forward to doing more business with them in the future, and I even plan on taking some yoga classes there soon!

I found my awesome church just by doing a google search for "Church DC."  Loads of cool people there. Heck, technically I even met my ex-boyfriend online--back in the days of MySpace--hehe. Even though it didn't work out between us he's still cool people.

I'm always amazed by the way that God seems to connect me with interesting people via the internet. People who share my values, share my intellect, share my passion for the arts. People from different places or even people in my own backyard who I never would've known if it weren't for cyberspace. People who I needed in my life. So if you're one of those who are still skeptical about the digital revolution--get on board! There's tons of cool people to meet, relationships to spark all just with the touch of a few keystrokes.

 

Wrecked

Sometimes I get these seemingly great ideas that are fleeting and only last for one day or for a moment. Like that time I considered trying out for the Atlanta Rollergirls. It sounded like a great idea at first. Never mind the fact that I can just barely roller skate, but it was a great idea at first. So good that I thought about it for one day and and then never really thought about it ever again.

But then sometimes I get an idea that sticks with me days and days on end. And that's how it's been with Haiti...

My church is sponsoring a mission trip to Haiti in May and it's been on my mind a lot that maybe I should go. I've been curious for some time about what it'd be like to go overseas and serve on a foreign mission trip. I actually applied to go on one a couple years ago at my old church but I was denied. I'd like to think that it was because the trip was full, not that I was just not "good enough" to go. :-) But I've always had this thought that maybe one day I'd try again...

And just as much as I'm curious, I must say that the idea of going overseas on a mission trip freaks me out quite a bit. I've never been on a trip like this before, I've never really even been out of the country before, save for a few cruises to the Caribbean if that counts. In several of the church circles I've traveled in in the past, the idea of an Average Joe (as opposed to a Pastor or selected "Missionaries") going outside of the United States wasn't even something that was entertained or thought about.  And this kind of bothers me.

Truth is, my current church has wrecked me...to the point where I'm having a hard time reconciling where we get this version of comfortable Christianity that's so often preached in our churches. I'm trying really hard to not come down too hard on the church, but when I read the Bible these days I'm confronted with a gospel that is not easy, that's not comfortable, and that's not designed to make me happy, let alone to make me rich in material things. The Bible that I read talks about taking joy in suffering, it talks about laying down your life for the gospel.

Part of what freaks me out are those common fears--what if I get hurt? Where will we stay? Where will I bathe? What will I eat? And I have to ask myself the question "How would Paul have responded to those questions? Or how about Jesus?"

Could the joy of seeing someone who is lacking basic needs (food, clothing, shelter, love) be greater than one week of discomfort? Could the joy of Christ and seeing someone come to know Him be even greater than those material things? The answers leave me wrestling with the weight of the reality that for me to be someone who calls herself a Christian, I sure do put myself first an awful lot.

So thankful for God's grace...

 

Cut 'Em Some Slack, But Stay On Your Guard

I've been blessed the past few years to be part of some churches that were very good about teaching the truth of the Bible. Churches that break the scriptures down, piece by piece, putting it all into context as to how it points us back to Christ and what it means for our lives.

I think sometimes we underestimate the importance of solid, biblical teaching. Last night I went with a friend to revival at a church where a minister I used to listen to was preaching. Only 10 minutes into the sermon, I realized that this minister was getting severely off topic, telling rousing stories that had nothing to do with the text. The stories were funny, some of the stories were good. But how they related to his opening scripture or to God I have no idea. Sad, because my friend and I were really looking forward to hearing a good word last night. As I watched the audience around me hoop and holler I became increasingly disheartened and even angry at one point because I felt as though people were being duped into listening to a message that might have it's own inherent truth, but had nothing to do with the Bible or the text.

In my anger I found myself getting restless. I lost focus, started writing other things, started people-watching. I almost pulled out my phone to tweet or start writing this blog. I'm glad I didn't. That would've been truly disrespectful.

This morning I woke up and read a passage from a book called "Listen Up: A Practical Guide to Listening to Sermons" by Christopher Ash. It blessed me and gave some good advice on how to listen to biblically inadequate sermons:

1) "Avoid developing a critical spirit." I obviously failed at this one, but Ash is right. The minute you start maliciously critizing a message, you become like the Pharisees who were trying to catch Jesus at something wrong. Everybody makes mistakes, and I'm not so sure all ministers set out deliberately to lead people astray. As Ash puts it, "...there is something wrong if fault-finding is our aim. For then the sermon will just make us feel good about ourselves..." It's very easy to get arrogant once you discover inconsistensies in a sermon. Not a good look.

2) "Avoid being gullible and credulous, believing whatever any preacher says, so long as they say it plausibly and well." On the same token, as believers, we must learn how to study the Bible on our own so that we can know when something is false and when it is not. This morning I read last night's scripture reference, and just as I thought, the minister had taken some EXTREME liberties on interpreting the text. Reading the scripture for myself, I realized what a powerful passage it is that speaks of God's ultimate power and might. As much as we should cut preachers some slack, we also need to stay on guard and not be so quick to believe everything someone says just because they said it.

While I've been blessed to be part of some good, teaching churches, I've also been part of churches that make a constant habit of twisting words of scripture around for their own benefit. I think part of me is still scarred by that experience, which is why I get so upset when I go places where truth is not being taught. But Lord, help me to not be like the Pharisees, looking and expecting for something to be wrong. Help me study to show myself approved so that I can tell the difference between what is real and what is false. I can only pray the same for my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ.

Convergence Lives Again

Guess what everybody? I'm writing a book! Well, actually, the book is already written. Can you believe I've just been sitting on it for the last 5 years? I finally dug it out of the archives and I'm in the process of putting the finishing touches and proofreading it...What's it about, you ask? Well it's actually based on this blog. It's called "Convergence" and it's a memoir of sorts where I take a lot of the poetry/journal entries that I wrote during my college years on topics such as love, faith, fear, death, family, and friendship, and then contrast them with my feelings on those same topics now that I'm older and (supposedly) wiser. :-)

The idea behind the book is that as I look back over my adult life (especially my college years), I went through several changes, all in efforts to find my identity. I've been through a relatively "loose" phase where I partied and drank and had 2-3 different "male friends", then I went through a pseudo "thug" phase where I wore baggy clothes and skullies and only listed to "gangsta" rap. I went through an angry militant phase and a women's lib phase where I was very vocal about everything in life being racist and sexist--all in efforts to find my own voice. Then I became a Christian. And all of that went out the window. I let my faith, and moreso what I had been told about my faith, define who I was and the way I thought. As I got older, I started to realize that yes, my faith does define a lot of who I am. However, I am still a whole person that has thoughts and experiences, feelings and opinions that are valid. In other words, just like the tag says on this blog yes, I am a Christian, but I am also black. I am also a woman. I am also single. I am also an artist. I am also young-"ish" (I'm thinking I may need to change that part of my tag. I'm not sure if people with arthritis can be classified as young :-) Being a woman of faith doesn't mean that I have to throw those aspects of who I am away. It just means that it is a major force that informs those aspects of who I am.

And thus, I started writing the book...and then I started writing the blog to get me ready for the book. But for some reason the book never materialized. Well 2011 is going to be the year that I let my creative juices flow, so get ready! Convergence--the book is on its way!

Getting Back to Grandma's Church

Earlier today I came across this tweet from Carlos Whittaker, a guy who used to do Service Programming at my church back in Atlanta, Buckhead Church. He also has a blog called Ragamuffin Soul, which I love. But he tweeted this:

If yr church slogan is "This ain't yr grandmas church", I wld B remiss 2 let U know that many kids actually want their grandmas church

Those words made me stop and reflect for a moment about my experience in the church of the 21st century. While I don't really have a desire to go to my grandma's church (actually I don't really know very much about my grandma's church because I've only been there about once a summer while growing up), I do realize that there are certain things about grandma's church that were endearing, and that are missing from the church of today. Even when I think about the AME church that I grew up in, I'm reminded of the sense of family, the closeness. There's something about your pastor knowing your name and praying for you specifically, and likewise, you getting to know your fellow brothers and sisters and caring for them in real, practical ways.

There's also something about the simplicity of that old church growing up. We didn't have cameras or fancy lights or fog machines or rock concert-style worship. We sang hymns. The choir sang some contemporary songs but there was no need to rehearse an entire service because people showed up on Sunday ready to give God their best, and whatever happened in the service was left to God and the Holy Spirit, and the order and structure of the service that had already been established.

I know for me, in moving to DC, I made up in my mind that I wanted to get back to that mindset. I didn't want a production. I wanted to learn God's word. I wanted to engage with people. Plain and simple. I think grandma's church offered that, and I think that might be what many people in our fast-paced, individualistic, cyber culture are looking for. One of the main reasons I ended up joining Restoration Church is that there is not a whole lot of flash. The flash comes in the presentation of the gospel. The flash comes in sitting in a living room with people week after week and sharing and asking questions about the Bible and praying for each other. The flash comes in knowing that my pastors and my church family know me by name, and that they are praying for me in good times and bad, and I for them. I was looking for the simple truth of God's word in a way that would appeal to my spirit and intellect rather than relying on pleasing my external senses every time.

I'm not knocking production-based churches. I'm a product of several of them. As a matter of fact, I always say that if it wasn't for one of those churches in particular, I just might have walked away from Christianity altogether out of sheer frustration with church. They have their place. I just wonder sometimes if there will come a day when the appeal will diminish because people just want to keep it simple and just want to connect. I guess it's different strokes for different folks. And I guess we also go through seasons where we desire something different in a worship experience...Just a thought...

 

Screw It. I've Got a Movie to Make...

The past couple of weeks I've been reading Spike Lee's book on the making of his first feature film "She's Gotta Have It." I love reading this kind of stuff because it inspires me to keep making movies "by any means necessary." Spike's attitude throughout everything that I've read so far is, Screw it. Regardless of what happens, I'm going to make this movie. I think you have to have that kind of attitude in order to be a filmmaker, because the odds are usually against you. It's expensive as all get out, sometimes it can take forever to find the right cast, the right crew, and the right equipment. But ultimately you have to have the faith that the movie will get done no matter what. That was the attitude I had when I made my film "Sophisticated Romance." And that's the kind of attitude I have to have now with "Something Worth Waiting For." The only thing now is finding the right balance between working hard to get it done and resting in God's grace.

In the whole 10 years it's taken me to write this script, I don't think I've ever felt more clear about its intended message as I do now. I'm so sick and tired of seeing intelligent women settle for less just because they want to get married. We all make mistakes but at some point we as women have to believe within ourselves that we are, that our love is indeed something worth waiting for. Marriage is great, I'm sure. But in the meantime, let God's love and the love of family and friends, be enough. That's a message I feel strongly about and a message I want to shout from the rooftops. It is really my prayer that God will make a way for me to make this film soon.

Last week while I was in Atlanta, I was able to pitch the project to the Gospel Music Channel. The meeting seemed to go well and they liked the pitch. I'm praying that they like the script enough to greenlight it, but if they don't I still have a movie to make. Some way, some how.

The View From the Beach - Day 3

Yesterday’s lab was pretty amazing. We started out by listing our character traits and then listing which one of our character traits are in tension with one another. For example, I am a dreamer and I’m hopeful, but I’m also fearful and doubtful. I’m very goal-oriented but I’m also a procrastinator. Last night our assignment was to write down our top 10 desires. I didn’t expect that exercise to be that difficult or that painful for me but it was. It was painful because I realized that I have some desires that I may have given up hope for. Some desires I expected God to have met by now, and quite frankly the fact that he hasn’t leaves me to wonder if they’ll ever be met. Wondering if maybe I’ve done something to prevent them from being met. In the event of full disclosure, I’ll go ahead and share my desires with you all:

• • I want to get through this assignment without crying.
• • I want to be held.
• • I want to forget what’s it like to be held.
• • I want my relationship with God to be like it used to be.
• • I want to be a full-time filmmaker and a part-time teacher, instead of the other way around.
• • I want $1 million to make my film Something Worth Waiting For.
• • I want to travel around with my film SWWF and talk REAL TALK with women about the joys and pains of singleness
• • I want to bring my students with me on a shoot.
• • I want be a better aunt.
• • I want to stop teaching COM 1109.

From there, we took our character traits and then took our top 5 desires and created a story idea based around our character tensions and our desires. It was a really cool exercise because on a practical level, I came away with 5 new script ideas which were kinda cool and had some pretty good character dimension. But what the exercise also helped me do was to just take a look at my innermost yearnings and deal with those. I think deep down inside I often doubt this whole filmmaking thing. Like I doubt that I have what it takes, I doubt that God’ll really do it...

But this exercise helped me to see that this filmmaking thing is something that is burned inside of me. It’s something bigger than me. While we were waiting for one of the sessions to start, this lady turned to me and said that she feels like there is this power, this fighter inside of me that needs to get out. She kept saying that people need what I have…and she’s not the first person to tell me those SAME EXACT WORDS…I do believe that I have a voice. And I believe that it’s nothing but the enemy trying to suppress that and make me doubt…

Lord, re-ignite that fire within me to create, to fight, to dream again…

The View From the Beach - Day 2

Well, yesterday was my first day at the Art Within Lab and I must say my world is being wrecked already. As a matter of fact, the wreckage already began on my way down here in the car. I'm already being challenged to rethink things pertaining to my writing and even pertaining to my career...

I'm telling you, this lab is pretty intense...in the sense that we're pretty much going all day long. But the time goes by so fast! Needless to say, so far I'm getting some interesting insight about my writing and even about my career path in general. Last night we did an exercise where we had to share clips from films that moved us to action, moved us to anger, and moved us to say "amen". My three movies (in order) were Do the Right Thing, Revolutionary Road, and Pursuit of Happyness. Then we had to look at each other's films and find the common threads. Here were some of my threads...

• All of the movies I chose were character-driven
• There was an urgency hope in all of the movies I chose -- in some an expected hope that was deferred, in others a hope achieved
• In each film I chose there was some form of societal pressure that was preventing the characters from having freedom.
• There was a constant theme of family.
• There were constant themes of freedom vs. trapped and honesty vs. idealism
• The scenes I chose were very complicated; they were difficult subjects to talk about
• there was a lot of passion in the films and in the issues they dealt with

Im not sure if you've seen the movies I referenced above but these threads that my peers pointed out really meant a lot of me in terms of trying to understand my voice as a filmmaker. I think a lot of what they said was on target, and I'm trying to process what that means and what that looks like for my art.

I'm really looking forward to the rest of these 2 weeks to try and flesh that out. I will keep you posted...

In the meantime, we are in the midst of a hurricane warning here. Yes, Hurricane Ida is scheduled to strike mid-afternoon. So far right now we're getting a lot of wind and that's about it. The waves don't look too high. We haven't talked about leaving yet, the news said it should be a Category 1 storm by the time it hits here so we'll see what happens. It's just now starting to rain now as I type this...Going to get breakfast now, I'll keep you all posted on what happens!

Either I'm Old or I Need to Move to Ohio

So, I decided to enter the dating world again. Yep, yep, yep. Don't ask me why I thought this would be a good time to do this. Working 3 jobs doesn't exactly leave me a lot of time to socialize these days except via the internet--which is why I thought maybe it'd be a good idea to start online dating again. I started out with eHarmony. That's supposed to be the site where all the good Christians go, right? Well, after a 3 month membership the hits started to get sporadic, and most of the men they kept trying to match me up with lived far away or they were over 50 (what are you trying to tell me, eHarmony?) or they had too many pictures posing in their Sunday suit. I just can't.

So...

I canceled that membership and joined Match.com. I've had moderate success with Match in the past, I figured maybe I could find a couple of good dates...not necessarily  a love connection, but at least a fun night on the town...Well, ironically, once I canceled my eHarmony membership and joined Match, eHarmony started sending me all these guys my age, in Atlanta, and who sounded interesting. Thanks eHarmony! Right on time! So here I am stuck with this brand new Match membership and I haven't gotten hardly any hits at all! Maybe it's because I indicated on my profile that I actually like God. You know the whole God thing makes some people get all weird. Maybe I should've just posed in a Sunday suit for all my profile pictures. And all the men that do contact me are pushing 50 (again, what are you trying to tell me, Match???)

So I decided to do my own search and put in the qualities I'm looking for and all the matches came up in Ohio! Who knew?? Ladies, we obviously need to pack it up and head out there 'cuz that's where all the eligible bachelors are.

Add to this I had a dream last night that I was dating some nice specimen of a man...this man was light skinned and had curly hair, which is quite different from the nice, dark-skinned chocolate drops I've dated in the past. Light skinned, 50, Ohio...So maybe God is trying to tell me something here...Maybe what I'm looking for is in the packages I least expect...

Or, maybe I just need to forget the whole thing and get back to work... smh